that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
