All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
