She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
