I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
