At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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