No awkward lesbian experiences without me
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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