If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
