talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
