I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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