i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
