I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
