Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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