I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
