Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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