Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
