I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
