That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
accomplished twins. life is a go
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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