I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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