It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
then he tried to convert me to islam
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
