I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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