I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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