i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
