Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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