i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
