So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
ok first of all what the fuck
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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