it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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