Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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