Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
