need another drink. this is the easiest way
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
