sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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