I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
