You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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