Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Send help, water and tortillas.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
