8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize