I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
