No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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