Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
