today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
