i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
We left the knife in your bed.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
