My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize