just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
