Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
