i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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