I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
