Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
There r osticjed everywhere
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
