There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
