Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
