Yo dont text me then not text me
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
