you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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