I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
