You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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