can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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