Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
