...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
