Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
