Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Its about making memories worth repressing
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
