wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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