I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
