I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
