Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
