I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
