what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
