Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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