I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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