Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
