the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
