Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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