3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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