She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
