Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
