why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
whose ass print is on the piano?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
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