I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
