You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
