Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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