She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
