Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I enjoy the company of your penis
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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