Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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