If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
