why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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