Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
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