i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
