Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize