You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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